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Thank you, Donovan and James (for helping me with this blog)
Jess, my sister (for beta-reading)
Thanks Donovan for showing me how to upload pictures
Thanks James for asking from a friend how to upload videos

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Poly Life 11:26 PM

A little Update on Life
Well, apparently, after so long of updating my life, there are in fact many things that I have not explained on the current things like how I am and hows sch and so on. So just a little update. Now that im in my New class. I have this need of bonding with them. don’t ask me why. I just feel ever since we separated class, and a half of a new class came to our class. Will Life still be the same? Ans is obvious. No la! So that’s why I want to bond, not becos I want to be valued by other people or I want people to know that there is Samuel around them. I just wanna bond. I wanna get to know them better. Normally there are two friends… 2 friends that will be honest with me even if the things are bad and they kow how to be serious when they see me serious or even better, when something is over, they will always come and tell me their honest opinion on that thing. Its wonderful. Its good to get people like that. Friends that doesn’t lie.

Right now, in the class, there is almost none. Then again, not becos I want a friend that can be honest with me but rather, I bond to know people better. Then from there, I find the friends worth keeping. But of course, my biggest goal was not to find friends worth keeping, right now, its just to take the first step. So anyway, my new class, half the class I know, half the class I DON’T know. So in this week im starting to try to bond with them. have dinner or lunch with them, get them out for a movie and stuff. Talk to individual more often than just casual talk. Now… I don’t always take the first step to people, honestly, im afraid and lazy to do that. I always want people to come close to me. But really, wont I become just as selfish as some people I know now. So I believe God has called me to take the first step. And its quite confirm that its my calling at the moment. Since im struggling with it and God alawyas confirm its not so bad and not so bad. It’s a calling. I ask myself the most common Qn, ‘how do u know God is telling me this?’ well, there is no answer for that. God talk to different people in different ways.

For today, I was with Ernest and we sort of plan a photo outing like tmr and im alr feeling tired, crap. But I rmb showing him some clips from Tom Yum Goong and Final Destination 3. Seen them before? If no, go watch them. pretty and very violet but I like their plot of the story. The flow is wjhat I call Nice. Anyway, so what kept me thinking was, after Hi Club, I was going back home with Shawn. Another friend from the class that I wish to bond. Thank god for that. And he told me he was going to meet his gf. So yeah, 14 people in my class. 5 guys 9 girls. Yes, I know, very little guys and it’s a small class. Out of 14, I think 5 is in a relations as in BGR and 2 are finding for one. Seriously, is everyone so desired to be loved?? Well I guess so. It often pains to me to see people in a relationship and they don’t know why. Somehow, I got this feeling it wont last. Not to say that their relationship is bad or something but becos no one wants to love, they will rather be loved. And since they don’t know the true meaning of love, their relationship wont last.

I talk to Shawn for a few minutes and I ask him how long was he with hif gf. He told me 7 months… WE WERE IN POLY FOR ABOUT 7 MONHS, ARE YOU TELLING ME HE GOT A GF IN LIKE WEEKS?? What the crap do they know about love? I myself have problems loving people and learning to love. I think deep for years and they don’t even think much about it. I’ll be frank, what do they know? If I were to ask my why they love this girl or guy, I don’t think they will have an answer. And even if they do, my next Qn is, ‘If your gf or bf were to fight or argue with you, what will you do?’ same like very ans, most people will try and solve in a nice way. A nice way? I have seen guys cursing vulgarities in almost every sentence they speak and they can solve that kind of problem in a ‘nice’ way? Heck no. if youre a lobing or caring person, action will show it. Words are just there to back you up. Like a dear friend indirectly told me, speaking beautifully means little to Living beautifully.

Then the next thing, why will so many people try to find love? And I got a few hints. Shawn was in a boy’s school for like 5 years. I don’t think he has seen many girls in his life. Like Ernest, the moment he comes into a mixed sch, Life changes forever. And yes, both of them are in a BGR. I guess, when you don’t see something for long and if that something comes to you, you become fascinated by it. Its only natural. Maybe I can understand them. people just like to try out things, you know like ‘try’ out a relationship thinking it will be good. Well, sorry, sometimes such things are not always good. A relationship is a commitment, its not just based on feelings. I just hope, they can love in a different way. I just hope.

oh my oh my. a 1000 word long of ranting!

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Name: Samuel lee
Age: 16+
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After everyone leaves, i will be the one there waiting for you.
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I can choose to be anyone, a millionaire, a bankrupt, a rich man, a poor person, anyone. i can be your best friend and your worst enemy. i can be a miracle and i can be a nightmare. i can be a helper and i can be a destroyer. but its not up to fate, it is a choice we must make. i can reach my dream goal, but none of them matters. most importantly, i just want to be a child of God.

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