Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Struggles with Work 12:15 AM

The last few days have been the most frustrating and stressful time of my life. I can say its worse than O levels. I would have guessed Filming was never easy. Its very scary…when everyone else understand what the teacher is saying EXCEPT you. Its even worse when the teacher explains again, the people who don’t understand now understand and YOU STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND. Its super frustrating. I know im a super slow person and this is very bad. Cos in a fast world, I was left behind.

I observed everyone. Nobody reshoots their film unless its really bad. People take about 2, 3 days to film, film once but different location. Mine is, 3 FREAKING TIMES, but same location. Woah omg. Im about to die. My actor are hard to get, timing is super horrible, my planning is worse than a noob, my lead is having exams, sound person cant stay long in the night, haven’t prepared my props yet, my only outdoor shooting was during raining. Its so screwed up man. More and more problems arise, so much until my brother cant find a word to cheer me up.

Worries of life overwhelm me by miles until I find myself further and further away from my First Love. My life was becoming meaningless by the seconds and I told myself, I cant go on anymore…. In this difficult and seemingly impossible struggle, I sacrificed my sleeping time, came downstairs, on the fan and sat in the darkness. I told God, ‘is there a slightest hope?’

I so much so wanted to curse and swear but I knew fully, the Devil would have won. But how can I not swear, how can I not curse even when things got so so bad? I held it in myself, for so long. So I rant and rant on to God, in the midst of darkness. I poured my heart out, there was nothing that I hid, ‘how God, how? I cannot go on anymore. So close to give up, nothing is better, even if I surrender this short film, nothing will happen. I cannot find a way that you can solve my problem. God, I am stuck’.

Then I stop. I waited for 10 minutes. Yeah, I heard nothing. No even the slightest sound. There was no reply. I took a deep breath. I cried, and cried so hard, tears and sadness are inevitable. Then I realized, the hardest thing was to wait silently. A son’s heart crying to the Father, ‘Father, no matter the cost, no matter the problem, I just wanna say, im still here. I still love you’. And I cried even more, knowing that surrendering was the hardest and only thing I could ever submit. Its true, even though I poured my heart out, even though I took leap out of my comfort zone, even though I surrendered, God didn’t say a word.

We always thought that when we give ourselves to God, God will speak to us and lead and bring us through. Well, I can say, God didn’t say a word. Nothing changed, my problems are still the same. It didn’t disappear or vanished after that cry. Everything continues. Time still moves on. But the only thing I felt, was a short peace of silence. But I can tell you, that’s when the smallest light shines the brightness when all other lights are off.


Movie Review- Shutter Island
Rating- 8.7/10__ 4 stars
Director Martin Scorsese collaborates with Leonardo D again in this Mind-Manipulating movie. It starts off at a U.S marshal investigating a case where a dangerous patient escapes from the facility. Things get a little annoying when people are unwilling to cooperate with the marshals and everyone cannot give a truthful answer. Teddy Daniels (Leonardo D) suspects that his coming is a trap and becomes paranoid that he can trust no one. Stunning twist at the end that will leave you finding for more explanations. Not that the movie is so complicated until you don’t understand what on earth is happening, but rather on what you can conclude in the movie at the end. The movie will capture you and manipulate in thinking everyone is the enemy but its not. I have the say the acting of Leonardo still needs work as he cant cry yet and taking into consideration that the movie was shot 2 years ago which was edited and release this year. Recommended for those who loves suspense and thriller and investigation. A nice delivery of a thriller, good job Scorsese!
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Name: Samuel lee
Age: 16+
Country: Singapore
After everyone leaves, i will be the one there waiting for you.
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